Starry Night
by Septemberheaded
Summary: Ed on a silent night in Germany. Drabble. Spoilers.


AN: Don't own anything not even the title (sobs). Spoilers obviously

Starry Night

There are nights when I am covered in unbroken sweat. Nights when nightmares are my only comfort. Nightmares of being killed by Envy and being enflamed by Zeppelins. To most people it would be traumatizing, but those particular dreams don't bother me too much anymore. My adoring fans would say that I'm the Fullmetal Alchemist and I'm above such things. But nightmares are welcomed only because that pain reminds me that I'm still alive.

Those nights are much more preferable over the nights when I stay awake.

Insomnia is the worst punishment for a haunted mind.

Those are the nights when I listen to Alfons as he slowly dies; despite the fact that he claims his coughs are nothing.

Those are the nights my eyes shift to the sky and look at the stars. I never would have thought masses of hydrogen would be so comforting to me but they are. At the moment we're staying in a village in Germany. There aren't many city lights and I can see the stars twinkling back at me crystal clear. Like when we were kids back in Resembool. It's because of these stupid nights that I'm forced to think.

Mom used to tell us that if we were good, when we died we would become stars and we would get to look over all of our loved ones. She would put her arms around us and say that when she died she'd be up there too with Dad and they would wait until we could be one big happy family again. She must be lonely. Dad's still alive, stuck on this side of the Gate and sure as hell not pure enough to be blessed by being a star. My eyes mellowed in sorrow for my mother. Even in death she'd still be parted from him. Heh, I guess that's what they would call star-crossed lovers on this side.

I bet Hughes is a star. He probably loves it up there, getting to look over Elysia and Gracia all the time. Probably peeks in on Alphonse to make sure he's doing alright and hasn't gotten into too much trouble without me around. I rolled my eyes. Knowing Hughes, he most likely wastes too much of his time looking in on the bastard. Doubtlessly making sure the Colonel hasn't gotten obscenely drunk or demoted or screwed up in some other way.

It's because of these nights that I let myself remember the people who I was split from.

Alphonse must have grown a couple of inches. I wonder if he's gone back to Teacher. Either way he must be a fucking brilliant alchemist by now. Winry's probably been studying and her automail must be better then ever. What I wouldn't do for her latest designs... The corner of my lips quirked up in an unconscious smile. I wonder how long it'll be until they realize that they're perfect for each other.

The smile fades and I sigh. I should have told them I loved them before I left. I knew I probably wouldn't be seeing them again after my battle with Dante. I should have said something. I should have died.

Hughes is probably slapping me right now. Saying I sound way too suicidal for my own good. But suicide isn't an option, even now after all of this. Alchemists are their own gods and we like God do not throw dice and do not believe in coincidence. There's some reason why this happened to me. Some kind of an Equivalency.

Kind of gives me hope in sad way. Hope that maybe one day I'll figure out how to open the Gate again.

It's during these nights when I can fall asleep peacefully. I dream of seeing my brother and my family of friends. I get to see Teacher and Rose. Hawkeye is smiling. I can see the look of shock on the bastard's face. I can feel Havoc clapping me on the back and calling me Chief and then getting one of Armstrong's infamous bone-crushing hugs. It's in these dreams when we're all together even Hughes, and Mom… and Dad. We're on that star and we're one big happy family like Mom always dreamed we would be.

It is days like these when I wake up with their laughter ringing in my ears.

It is days like these when I feel the deadening disappointment of it not being real.

And it is days like these when I wish I could die again by Envy's hand because of it.

Fin

AN: Art freaks or not I'm sure you can tell what painting this has been inspired by. lol and randomly in the afternoon too. Please review.

-Sayu

edit# lmao I just realized how emo this story was… but I guess this is just Ed in one of his darker moments, though I'm sure the story communicated that well enough lol


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